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Black Woman seeks tall Black man or,. is a disease . . . Like going through the steps of separation and loss the grieving process continues till the last step being acceptance. Feeling the pains and the alienation and and fear without that person . I dropped out of society and as things got worse leaving FB and staying home for over a year then just staying in my room for the last x months and then getting burned again by someone I shared my pain with was all too much. My addiction got worse and I changed from a happy man to xxx looking for help in a sign that was from something devine. I used to look at Missed Connections constantly then once a week , then once a month. I havent looked here for months until last night. And in some ways I stopped because it had the astrological affect where it could be for me or maybe not. and some were just codes for lovers, and , and pleas for help. Ive tried to post a few times but always my posts were erased and xxx ed . That meant someone was watching because they were benign posts from me but to someone else it must have meant something else. The person in my my mind I can never tell them how much I miss her because Im hated for the first time in life and don't know and will never know why. But last night saw letters to people that were sincere (I hope) and could feel others missed connection and reading the little things where people wished they said something and missed the opportunity. It felt good and warm. I had my closure not long long ago finally when told that they were never going to tell me what really happened. I can now have something to hold onto. I will never know, that stops my guessing and just reinforces the sadness, any Bear honest women left pure massage Benton Louisiana but lets me know that pain for me was real and their are reasons are their's Just not for me to know. I have learned much more about myself then others know and am not what image meets the eye all the time. I have changed certain things on the inside . . . some for better and some I must now get used to. I will forever miss the possible connection with this woman I will always think the love could have been cultivated if it was ever really there. I will never know so now I don't have to look for understanding. and can look at the years gone by as just that, years gone by. With regrets and pains. I used to be a different and happier person and since going underground have all new fears to contend with and wished for the first time not to help others but for my own help. Ive stopped doing for others and it bothers me and crave someone do for me for once. But that's not going to really happen I realize that and because of my nature others will always try and take advantage and kindness for weakness. But reading MC last night I hope some of you tell each other how you feel, because there is no need for the sadness or the fear if you could only telll the other about how much you care. I tried and saw and felt my own amazement and couldn't see their contempt or what was really on their mind. To me it was very real. I will never know what it was all about to or for them and that's fine now. Im glad I am older and on the downside of life. Most of you on this board are on the upside of life. It is so short you are not going to believe how short when it hits you . Because they are just words for you "life is short" but they become a real feeling when you reach x or more and the pains dismissed when those words were said when younger are real when older. Don't miss your connection. . . go tell them, hold them even for the last time For xxx day very soon, a lot sooner then you think it will all be over. Without the chance to even miss them. Try not to die and pass with the pains of missing and wanting some xxx Talk to them. If you love them be honest with them and yourself, uk and Enterprise and porn and if there was really love between both of you, the love will show itself. Because Love does conquer all. I miss a small part of you that will never be shared so much I hope the pain never goes away. Because real or not it's what I choose to hold onto but will never seek it out and never seek you out. Thank you for the truth of telling me you will never tell me. And not because it may confirm a suspicion but because it ends the wonder of an ongoing dream that sends me to bed and wakes me in tears for years. Im able to let the stay and the living take a news approach with them. , Love, Light Now must change. For change is the only thing that is real for me now. As I've become more fearful of people and more jaded. I can now feel the words I used to say like"it is what it is" has a brand new feeling. 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